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Writer's picturePaul Wagner

Lecture 13: The Service Ritual and the banquet

Updated: May 5, 2020



Wine and the Service Ritual


It’s one of the great fears of modern life:You are in a fine dining restaurant, and the sommelier approaches the table.At this point many people are terrified of what happens next.But there’s really no reason to be nervous.


In this lecture I’ll talk you through the ritual of wine service step by step, and explain the background of each step, from ordering the wine, to opening the bottle, to that perilous little taste the sommelier pours for your consideration. I’ll even discuss when it is appropriate to reject a bottle, and when it’s not. Perhaps most importantly, I’ll try to make you more comfortable as you deal with the restaurant staff, whether that’s a waiter or a sommelier, so that you can focus on what is really important, which is enjoying the wine with your family, friends, or colleagues.

Can I repeat that? The most important thing to remember is that you are out for dinner to enjoy yourself. Let’s focus on that moving forward. You are there to have a nice time, and the restaurant’s job is to make you happy.


In fact, by making you feel comfortable with wine, I am going to do is exactly what a good sommelier should do. It’s always helpful to remember that your possibly pretentious sommelier actually gets his title from a medieval French word “saumlier” that means a mule driver—someone who delivered wine and food on a wagon. No need to worry about what a mule driver thinks…and he has only one job, which is to make your experience pleasant. It’s his only job. I am going to repeat that. His job is to make you happy. And part of the secret to getting good service at a restaurant is to understand that.


First of all, if you are the host, it makes sense to ask your guests what they feel like drinking.

He or she often begins with an offer to take your drinks order the second you sit down. Restaurants do this for two reasons. First of all, they know if you start drinking, you’ll relax. And if you relax, you’re likely to have more fun. That’s nice. But they also know that if you’re relaxed and having fun, you are also more likely to order more food, more drink, and run up a bigger bill. That’s certainly good news for the restaurant.


But since this is a wine course, let’s talk about how you should order the wine. Until you know what you are going to be eating, it’s hard to order a wine to match with that food. So my wife and I generally tell the waiter that we’ll do exactly that: figure out what we’re eating, and then order wines to match. Of course, if you’re celebrating something special, you may want to start with a bottle of bubbly anyway, and that’s fine. But that’s also easy. For this course let’s assume that you want to order wine to go with your dinner.


How to start? First of all, if you are the host, it makes sense to ask your guests what they feel like drinking. And once your guests have looked at the menu and decided what they are going to order, you’ll have a better idea of wines to order, at least in terms of red or white wine. Of course, you know what’s going to happen, don’t you? Half the table will order fish, and hope for a white wine, and the other half will order steaks and want something red. What do you do?


If there are only two of you, just order wines by the glass. Most restaurants these days have a nice selection of wines by the glass, and they’ll even offer you a little taste to help you select the one you like best. Go with that option, and be happy.


But if there are at least four of you, then it might make sense to order a bottle of white wine to start---everybody gets a glass of that—and those who are eating fish can polish off that bottle while the rest of the group moves on to drink red wine, either a full bottle, or red wines by the glass. Either way, you’ve done your job, because you’ve given everyone a chance to drink something that will work with their food and make them happy. As the host, that’s your job, too.


But which wine to order?


Some wine lists are so massive that even wine experts need help. Others are full of such obscure wines that most people have no idea what they might like or not like. That’s when it’s time to call the sommelier and ask for some help. And there’s a right way and a wrong way to do that.


The smart thing to do when you ask a sommelier for some wine suggestions is to tell him or her what kinds of wines you like to drink. If you can do that, the sommelier can then match up your preferences with the wines that best meet that description on list. Don’t be embarrassed about this—it’s actually a very smart thing to do. The hardest question any sommelier ever has to answer is: which wine on your list will you like the best? Until you’ve told the somm what you like, there is no way to answer that questions successfully. So explain what you like to drink. I like Robert Mondavi Cabernet, or Sutter Home White Zinfandel, or Domaine de la Romanee Conti Echezeaux…and if it’s that last one, be prepared for the sommelier to suggest something that could run into four figures!


When the sommelier makes a suggestion of a wine, ask him or her to point it out on the list. This not only helps you connect the name with the way the name is pronounced, it also allows you to see what kind of money we are talking about. If it’s more than you want to spend, you can certainly say something along the lines of …hmmm…I’m not sure we’re that serious about wine. That’s a good signal for the sommelier to point you in another, less expensive direction.


And remember that at any point you can simply thank the sommelier for his or her advice, and decide to go with a few wines by the glass, and avoid any hassle about your wine choices. By ordering a selection of wines by the glass, you can also have fun sharing tastes at the table. And every sommelier will understand that.



But let’s assume that you order a bottle. That’s just the beginning of the process. Because now the waiter or sommelier is going to bring the bottle to the table. And that’s where the real fun begins.


The first step is the presentation of the bottle. The waiter should show you the bottle so that you can make sure it is, in fact, the one that you ordered. And by the way, don’t just glance at the label. I once famously approved a bottle that the waiter presented to me because it was from exactly the winery I had ordered. But I had ordered a white wine, and this one was red. My wife firmly but politely inquired if I hadn’t ordered a white wine to start? Yes I had. And if it can happen to me, it can happen to you.

Check to make sure it’s the same wine that you ordered: Vintage, varietal (or grape type) and region. If something doesn’t look right, or if it is not what you expected, this is the time to say so. Waiters make mistakes, and wines come from all over the world. It’s easy for you or them to misunderstand the pronunciation of a wine, or simply grab a bottle from the next bin over. It’s also possible that the restaurant may have run out of the wine you ordered, and has decided to substitute something more or less similar. Usually they’ll tell you about this. Sometimes they don’t. That’s why you should check. And that’s why you should ask for a clarification any time you might be confused, or think that they are confused. It’s way better to clear this up before the bottle is opened.





And speaking of opening the bottle, that’s our next stage. The sommelier presents the bottle, you approved it, and now the elaborate ceremony begins.


The first step is to cut the top of the capsule off. If you look at a wine bottle, there is a lip around the top of the neck. The correct place to cut the capsule is BELOW this lip, not above it. That makes all those clever little gadgets that cut the foil capsule for you completely wrong. Oh well. They look cute. They just cut the capsule above the lip, which will allow the wine to drip more as you pour it. It’s not a life or death decision (nothing about wine is!) but if you want to do it right, cut the capsule below the lip. This also prevents the wine from touching the edge of the capsule as it is being poured.


The waiter will then put the top of the capsule in his or her pocket (it’s trash, and that’s where it goes) and then take a towel to wipe off the top of the cork. This removes any possible debris or dust from the top of the cork and keeps it from possibly falling into the wine when the cork is pulled.


OK. One step down. The capsule is cut off and you are ready to pull the cork. And here is where we get to explore the world of cork pullers. There are literally hundreds of patents for interesting ways to pull a cork out of a bottle. At home, you can have a lot of fun playing with all the different types of corkpullers, but in a professional restaurant setting most waiters and sommeliers will use a very standard “waiter’s corkscrew.” It should have a knife to cut the foil, a nice open helical screw to really grab hold of the cork, and a lever action that allows you to use your brain instead of your brawn to pull the cork.


If you’re the waiter, you’ll insert the tip of the corkscrew into the cork, and then screw it down until at least two-thirds of the screw is well into the cork. If you are studying for your Master Sommelier exam, two thirds is considered exactly right. But if you have opened a lot of bottles of older wines, or wines from regions like Bordeaux where they use much longer corks, you’ll do what I do and put that corkscrew all the way into the cork. It is no fun trying to pull out the bottom ½ inch of a cork because it broke off in the bottle. And the reason it broke off in the bottle is because you didn’t put the corkscrew in far enough.


With the corkscrew well-inserted in the cork, now it’s time to use that clever lever on the corkpuller to take the strain. Set the edge of the lever against the lip of the bottle, and then pull up on the end of the corkscrew handle. If you pull up on end of the handle, you are getting the full advantage of the leverage. If you pull up right at the point where the screw is connected to the handle, you’re really just trying to pull the cork out by brute force. That’s harder to do, and it’s even harder to do if you are trying to look polished and elegant. On the other hand, if you work out a lot and pump a lot of iron, it does give you a chance to really show off our muscles. For the rest of us, use the lever and make you life easier.


As you pull the cork out (it should not make a popping noise---pull it out gently) your hand can close over the cork and corkscrew; and ease the last little section of cork out of the bottle. At this point, if you are in a restaurant, you can amuse yourself by checking to see that the waiter or sommelier has performed all of these tasks correctly. If not, you can smile quietly to yourself and worry a little less about what he or she thinks of you…


And what happens with that cork? Ideally, the sommelier should place it on the table somewhere within your reach. Please leave it there. Forget all of those ridiculous stories about what you can learn and what you should do with the cork. You should leave the cork on the table.


(Old school wine snobs will tell you that the cork can help you learn about a wine. But if the cork shows a problem, and the wine is perfectly good, why do you care about the cork? And if the cork looks perfect, and the wine is flawed, why do you care about the cork? You don’t care about the cork. Leave the cork on the table. There was a time, 100 years ago, when empty bottles were sometimes reused to create counterfeit wines. The bottles looked good, but the corks would never match the ones that the winery or chateaux had branded with their name. Checking the cork exposed the fraud. These days counterfeiters are much more sophisticated, and likely to fake the corks as successfully as they fake the bottles. And really, with current releases of most wines, this is simply not an issue.)


The waiter should now wipe the top of the bottle one more time (to remove any residue or cork particles from the top of the bottle.) Whew! The bottle is open. The cork is removed. Thank the Lord, it’s time to actually taste the wine!




And so the waiter pours a tiny sample of the wine into your glass. It should only be an ounce or so—not a full glass. As the host, or the person who ordered the wine, it’s your job to decide if the wine is acceptable. This tradition dates all the way back to the middle ages, when it was more or less common for lords and ladies to poison their guests as a way of expanding their empires. Or duchies. Or counties or earldoms. Those were fun times.

So be brave and take the first sip. In today’s world you are really only looking for four possible problems.


1. Does the wine smell like mold? If so, it is probably because of a faulty cork, and it should be rejected. You can be thoughtful and say: “Hmmm, this smells a little funky to me.” Or you can be direct and say: “I think this one is corked.” Either way, the sommelier will want to smell it as well, and confirm your diagnosis. But if you really think the wine smells bad, don’t let the sommelier talk you out of it. I sometimes have to suggest that they open another bottle to compare. Once they compare the bad bottle with a good one, the problem is obvious. But while most sommeliers have some kind of training to help them identify a faulty cork, most waiters do not. That’s where you have to stick to your guns. Ask them to open another bottle. If the second bottle smells fine, then you’re set. Drink the second bottle, and the restaurant will return the bad first bottle to the winery for a credit. But if the second bottle smells the same as the first, then the problem is not a bad cork. At this point many restaurants will suggest that you would like a different wine, and offer you one. Accept it. They can always sell the open bottles as a by the glass wine to other diners. If they insist that you drink the wine that you ordered, I would not bother to make a massive scene about it. I would not drink the wine. I might order a beer. But I would also take a photo of the wine bottle, front and back, and contact the company later. No winery wants to have unhappy customers, and most will make some effort to apologize and compensate you in some way.


2. Does the wine taste old and cooked? In that case it may have been stored in too warm a place, and/or the cork may have allowed some air into the bottle. In this case, all the bottles will probably taste the same, and the appropriate action here is to tell the sommelier that the wine tastes old and tired. Of course, if it’s a bottle from the 1957 vintage, you can’t complain about this. But a current release should not taste this way, and the restaurant should offer you another choice. (I once returned a wine I had ordered by the glass because it tasted old and tired—oxidized, the way an apple tastes if you set it on the counter for a few hours and it turns brown. The waitress admitted that all the bottles tasted that way, and that’s why they were selling it by the glass. I was amazed that the restaurant didn’t have more integrity than that…but I also appreciated her honesty—and the fact that she brought me a glass of a completely different wine at no charge! In these first two cases, we are dealing with wines that don’t taste right: they don’t taste the way the winemaker wants them to taste. Something went wrong between the bottling line and you, and you are absolutely within your rights to ask for a change. But if the wine doesn’t smell like mold, and doesn’t smell old and tired, are you under an obligation to accept it, even if you don’t like it?


3. Not always. If you told the sommelier that you like a certain wine, and the sommelier suggested this as a recommendation, you are still within your rights to explain that his or her recommendation missed the mark. In this case, the wine may taste exactly the way the winemaker wants it to taste. But it doesn’t taste good to you, and the sommelier recommended it to you. It will certainly help if you can explain why you don’t like the wine. It may be too harsh, or too sweet, or smell too much like cabbage. The explanation will help the sommelier find you another bottle to try. And again, since there is nothing wrong with this bottle per se, they can sell the opened bottle by the glass to their other customers.


4. There is one more problem that I often find with wines in restaurants. The wines are often stored in plain sight in the restaurant, and when they are served, I frequently find wines that are the wrong temperature. White wines should be served cold, and most restaurants have a refrigerator for those. But sometimes there are no bottles of the white wine you ordered in the fridge. Taste it. And if it is too warm, ask them to put it in an ice bucket for a few minutes. But I actually have found more problems with red wines than whites. You may have heard that red wines should be served at room temperature, but that’s a very common misconception. It was written by people in England who lived in stone houses. Room temperature there was about 60 degrees F, on a good day. So when the restaurant serves you red wine that’s a nice 78 degrees, just like their dining room, it’s way too warm. Again, the solution is to ask them for an ice bucket. And if they resist, and tell you that reds should be served at room temperature, tell them that in that case their dining room needs to be a lot colder.


You should try this at home, by the way. Pour a glass of red wine and put the glass on the counter in your kitchen. Then put the bottle in the fridge for 20 minutes, and pour another glass from that bottle. Compare the two glasses, and you’ll see that the cooler wine is usually a bit more elegant and refreshing (no surprise there) while the warmer wine can seem heavier and flatter. With food, the cooler wine usually is much more pleasant.




The good news is that at this point, you finally have a bottle of wine in front of you, and you have approved it. It’s ready to drink. There is only one more part of the ceremony that needs to be explained. You need to pour the wine.


How much should you pour? Most wine glasses have a kind of tulip shape that helps you figure this out. You should always pour just enough wine to fill the glass to the fattest part of the bowl, about a third of the way up the bowl. Less is better than more. This allows your geeky wine friends to swirl their wine with abandon, without worrying about slinging it all over the tablecloth. For other glasses, a third of the glass is still a good rule, unless you are drinking your wines out of beer steins. But if you’re doing that, you don’t want my advice on this other stuff, either.


How should the wine be poured around the table? In the good old Victorian days, the sommelier was given a dangerous task. He (and it was always a he in those days) was to pour the wines for the ladies in the party and then the gentlemen. But the ladies should receive wine in order of seniority. The oldest and most distinguished ladies first, then the younger ladies, then the gentlemen, finishing up with the host last. Can you imagine serving a table of important ladies, and being faced with the decision of who gets poured first or last? That would not have been fun!


Today, the system is simple. Begin next to the person who ordered the wine (usually the host of the table, but not always!) and move in a clockwise direction around the table, serving all the women first. Once the women have been served, you go around a second time, this time pouring for the men. That’s proper wine service.


And if there are eight of you at the table, and the sommelier runs out of wine before getting all the way around the table, you don’t have a sommelier. You have a mule driver. Ask the manager to assign someone else to your table. Someone who knows at least as much about wine service as you do, now.


In addition to discussing the form and function of a banquet, the class will also watch the film Babette's Feast and discuss how food and wine in the film create a transcendental experience for those at the banquet.

The Banquet


What must have begun as the most primitive communal dining during the stone age has now grown into the essence of a cultural expression. And yet we can trace the roots of some of these rituals back to pre-history. After all, many of us still say Grace and prayers of thanks before each meal, in the same way that the earliest records show that man first offered food to the gods, then offered thanks to the gods for the food he was about to eat.

The earliest representations of banquets may be on the cylindrical seals of Mesopotamia of 3000 B.C. These shows scenes of social drinking and eating, and appear to celebrations of plentiful harvests, great military victories, or successful hunts. The drinking cups here are the beginning of a wonderful tradition of drinking vessels throughout history. Rhytons, cups, and other vessels become a major element of cultural expression.

The Marzeah of Ugarit culture 1300 BC, continued through 300 BC in Syria--one thousand years of dining. This was a social and religious event, where selected men and women of the society gathered to perform rites and re-affirm their role in the society. The diners ate and drank to excess, and sometimes participated in orgies--although the primary ritual may have been to console mourners. Documents about the Marzeah concern both mourning as well as dividing property. The ritual dinners became part of Phoenician culture, and were spread throughout their colonies. Records show the Marzeah dinners were practiced in Syria, Judah, Israel, Petra, and most other major centers of the Levant.

Descriptions include: "Do not enter a house of mourning, do not go to lament and condole with them…Nor shall you enter a house of feasting, to sit down with them to eat and drink." Jeremiah.

"They lie on ivory beds, lolling on their couches…They hum snatches of song to the tune of the lute--they account of themselves musicians like David. They drink straight from the mizreqei hayayin." Amos.

Egyptian banquets are quite well documented--they decorate many tombs. From these illustrations we see that the food was often roast ox, lots of cakes and bread, fowl, and wine. There were entertainers, from dancers and musicians, and plenty of servants to cater to the whims of the guests. Guests, both men and women, were provided with scented cones of perfume, which they placed on their heads, to fill the air with sweet scents. And the guests apparently often drank too much. There are many drawings of guests too dizzy to stand, being carried home, or even vomiting.

Ashurbanipal and Ashurnasirpal both held enormous banquets to demonstrate their power and celebrate their victories.



The Victorian Dinner


The Victorian dinner part--a way of defining class. Your manners and your language were what entitle you to privilege. And many used these tools to establish their power and seniority over others.

Victorian Mealtime Manners

Most folks in the antebellum and War periods seem to still have been referring to the three common meals of the day as: breakfast for the morning meal; dinner for the mid-day meal; and supper for the evening meal. This custom seems to have largely died out, although it still is used in the last part of the twentieth century in many rural areas in the South.


Supper parties were an important social activity to Victorians. At the evening meal, a family could share daily routines and experiences, family legends could be passed on, and moral lessons shared. At supper, father led the family and carved the entree while mother held court and directed the serving of side dishes and beverages. Dinner would generally be served between noon and 2:00 PM, and supper would be served anywhere between 3:00 PM and 7:00 PM (unless theirs was a farming family, in which case it might be even later, depending on the time of year).


Supper would often be followed in the evening by a family time in the parlor, and then private time in each person's room, the library, parlor or nursery when folks had the luxury of having so many rooms in their homes. Evenings were commonly used for letter writing, music, handwork, conversation, reading, and parlor games.


Etiquette was different around the family table from what it was in a formal setting. While the fundamental manners such as asking for food to be passed rather than exercising the "boarding-house reach"; chewing with one’s mouth closed; not speaking while food was in one’s mouth; and using a napkin rather than the britches or skirt to clean of the fingers or mouth when necessary were to be observed regardless of the setting, the primary differences came in where eating utensils were multiplied; where seating was an issue; and even the quality of the utensils, serving pieces, and food would be different.


Formal meals or suppers or dinner parties were associated with "company". As such, they had an etiquette all their own. A formal meal or dinner party was an opportunity to introduce friends and associates to their sanctuary from the world - their home. It was also an opportunity to show off the best of a home’s linens, plates, flatware, mannerliness and hospitality, as well as the house-cleaning skills of the residents of that home. A lady’s best dishes and glasses would be used, and a formal menu would be planned that would commonly include at least four courses. All would be on display for that brief time, including the host and hostesses’ taste in decorating, furnishing their home, and social skills. For some, it was an opportunity to elevate themselves socially by impressing their friends or associates with their good taste and generous larder.


The four courses that were so much a part of a formal meal were soup, fish, an entree, and dessert. While the second course and the entree course would often include wine (except in the case of those working their way up the Temperance Society ladder, of course), dessert would be followed with coffee, and perhaps fruit to help cleanse the palate. The soup or appetizer course would include water, although a rich cream soup or cream sauce for that course might be complemented by serving sherbet or flavored ices after the soup or appetizer to help cleanse the palate. The mid-Victorians were quite sensual people.

When the guests, host, and hostess came into the dining area, ladies were to remove their gloves when they were seated. Gentlemen were to remove their gloves just before seating themselves.


The household’s mistress would sit at the head of the table, while the master would be seated at the foot of the table. Guests would be seated, and thereby mixed, according to personality so as to keep the conversation flowing and lively. Married couples would almost never be seated next to each other. A dinner party was a social occasion, not so much a family affair.




The table would include soup bowls, bread plates, dinner plates, glasses for water and wine, silverware (often a multitude of specialized utensils beyond the simple fork-knife-spoon), knife rests, salt cellars, and napkins; a fish course would add a fish fork and fish plate to each place setting. After those dishes had been cleared from the table in preparation for dessert, dessert would require dessert plates, forks or spoons, finger glasses, and perhaps fruit plates and fruit knives as well. In the mid-Victorian age, most manuals advised that one never eat a fruit (other than a banana) in the hand; instead, when at table they were to place it on a plate, cut it with a knife, and eat it with a fork.


Finger glasses - not finger "bowls" - were an elegant accessory to a meal that normally appeared with the dessert course. The proper manner in which to make use of one is to dip your fingertips into the warm water of the finger glass, wet your napkin with your now-wet fingers, and use the damp portion of the napkin to touch to your face and mouth. It was a genteel complement to the meal's functional pieces. During this ablution, men were advised to pay particular attention to "facial hair residue", or the crumbs and other food particles that tend to gather and linger in mustaches, goatees, and beards. People should be reminded that the finger glass should not be considered an opportunity for public bathing, nor were they intended to provide a mouth wash - and ladies and gentlemen should never, ever rinse their mouths out and expectorate into the finger glasses or water glasses.


While at table, ladies and gentlemen conversant with the manuals of the day would have been mindful to always take what was offered them, even if you they did not want it. That included wine or other adult beverages. If offered a food that was not to their liking, they were expected to take a sampling. For those who chose not to partake of alcoholic beverages, good manners would require that they receive the glass offered with thanks, and merely - but at least - touch the glass to their lips. Among some, however, that act of social propriety with wine or other adult beverages might be negated and refused as a result of threats issued most often from the fairer sex among the Temperance League sorts who adopted the slogan, "Lips that touch alcohol shall never touch mine".


There is a commonly held notion that, following a formal meal, men would retire to one room in which they would smoke cigars and sip port while discussing manly matters; and the ladies would withdraw to the drawing room where they would discuss feminine topics. That was not always, or even necessarily, the case. In this area, it is best - as it was then - to follow the lead of the host and hostess.


Dining Room Etiquette

Nothing indicates the good breeding of a gentleman so much as his manners at table….a man may pass muster by dressing well, and may sustain himself tolerable in conversation; but if he be not perfectly au fait, dinner will betray him. The gentleman seats his escort to his left and remains standing until all the ladies present are seated. If the dinner is a buffet he must bring his escort her plate.

Married couples are never seated together.

Ladies remove their gloves once they are seated; gentlemen however must remove their gloves just prior to being seated.

The senior lady, either by age or social standing, is always led in first by the host of the party. The hostess arrives last on the arm of the senior male.

It is ridiculous to make a display of your napkin.

Never ask for "meat" instead of beef.

Never turn up your cuffs in carving.

Never take bread, even when it is within your reach, instead of calling upon the servant.

Never cut your bread with a knife, it should be broken by hand.

Always use your napkin before and after drinking.

THINGS TO BE AVOIDED AT TABLE

Do not open your mouth when chewing.

Do not make noises with the mouth or throat.

Do not leave the table with food in your mouth.

Do not tip back in your chair nor lounge upon the table.

Do not permit yourself to use gestures, nor illustrations made with a knife or fork on the tablecloth.

Do not hold bones in your fingers while you eat from them.

Do not encourage a dog or cat to play with you at table nor feed them while feeding yourself.

Do not explain at the table why certain foods do not agree with you.

Do not pick your teeth or put your fingers in your mouth while eating.

Do not wipe your fingers on the tablecloth, nor clean them in your mouth. Use your napkin.

Do not come to table improperly dressed.

Do not wear gloves at the table, unless your hands for some special reason are unfit to be seen.

The Jewish banquets celebrated weddings or circumcisions. The guest of honor always sat in the seat of honor, servants washed the hands and feet of the guests. Wine was drunk from cups, which were not re-used, but taken away by the servants after each was emptied. During the middle of the meal, the first person to be served was the most important guest--but at the end of the meal, the first person served was the man who recited the Grace after Meals.

Obviously, the best know Jewish banquet is the Seder dinner. It has strong correlations to the Symposium, with ritual washing of the hands, singing, playing games, and toasting thanks.

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